Where do we draw the line between gossip (even about true things) and warning against danger?

Here on Hearthkeepers, we share ideas and opinions in a fairly open format, in the safe fellowship of other Christian women. We need to be careful about the distinction between church and message board. We are not spiritually responsible for the ladies here. We can be helpful, we can pray, we can find ways to love and serve them, we can care about them deeply, but they are not in our church...not in the body of believers in which God has placed us. They are not "under our care" so to speak, in the special way that the saints in our local body are. Our responsibilities are considerably less. Because of that, there is not the same burden or responsibility to protect, warn, admonish, etc.

In the local church body, we have the opportunity to watch carefully those who might be susceptible to false or bad teaching. We can talk gently and quietly with young ladies who seem to be enraptured by Mr. XYZ's method of child-raising and encourage them to think Biblically about areas where we have found Mr. XYZ to be out in left field.

Some issues are matters of doctrine, both Christian and non-Christian. Someone posts: "I am interested in the Mormon lady next door - she has a great Bible study.” In that case, we can discuss the differences in beliefs, using the Mormon books and teachings and comparing them to Scripture. We can even discuss differences in Christian doctrine. We can read posts explaining to me why it's Biblical to baptize babies and posts telling us why it's Biblical to only baptize believing adults. That's all doctrine and can be addressed with Scripture in an open, gentle way, bearing in mind that we have friends here from both points of view. We can consider ministries which teach spiritual matters - say, Rick Warren or John Piper. We can discuss the details of what they teach and see if it lines up with Scripture. Even there, we should avoid "blog" or "opinion" links and rather just post links to their own teachings from their websites or quotes from their books and show any discrepancies in comparison to Scripture. Our best resources for helping us to understand things that confuse us, however, are our own pastors and our husbands.

The particular ministries we have been discussing lately are what can be called "lifestyle' ministries, and it's perfectly OK for us to sit down and hash out their teachings (as revealed by their books and their websites or other materials) and see if they line up with Scripture. It's NOT ok for us to discuss the personal information about Rick Warren, John Piper or Doug Philips or Terri Maxwell or Debi Pearl. It does NOT build up the body of believers to gossip about them, and even if we disagreed with every one of those people, we wouldn't try to make judgment calls on whether or not God calls them His own!

As an example, let's use that woman who did the Weigh Down workshops. If someone asked you if you thought it might be a good program for your church, and you knew of her beliefs about the Trinity, you can share that because she has specifically used it publically in her teachings. You could quote her books or link to it on her website. You are not gossiping, and you are not saying, "She said this in a workshop my sister attended in 2004 in Toledo. Everyone there heard it, but now she denies it." If you had an allegation that you think MIGHT be true, you could take it to your pastor and say, "I am worried about this, and I can't verify it. Can you please check into the truth of this before we institute this program in our church?"

Sharing a ministry or teacher’s own words from their own materials is NOT gossip. Perhaps George Kluckenburg has a certain belief about original sin and forgiveness, and he writes excellent books on training up children. We are not speculating on what he really believes or trying to ascertain his opinions from how we perceive his own behavior. He has written about it in his books, and it is published on his website in his statement of faith. When someone asks about using his approach to childrearing, if we felt the need to share it, we can link to his own website and say, "He believes this and it affects his approach to disciplining children who sin. It may or may not affect the usefulness of his methods in your childrearing, but it's what he teaches."

Scripture repeatedly cautions us, however, against excessive and idle speech. We are prone to be “wise in our own eyes” and we quickly reach the point where we are talking about people instead of ideas. One helpful way to think of gossip is to consider biblical standards of justice. Any negative criticism does real harm to the person spoken of, even if the criticism is true. The Bible says things must be established on the testimony of two or more witnesses. Not two or more hearsayers, not two or more anonymous bloggers, not two or more second-, third-, fourth-hand through- what-I-read-on-the-Internet-ers, not two or more annoyed readers. Witnesses. (Numbers 35: 30, Deut 17:6-9, Deut 19:15, Matt 18:15-17)

We might have an experience with a "big name" that completely sours us on their ministry and opinion. We are not making it up, but we have no witnesses to the experience. Because of that, according to Biblical standards of justice, we ought to remain silent. That is the right thing to do.

Requiring witnesses does marvelous things (praise be to God for His wisdom!). It limits the scope of any issue to those who were directly involved, allowing for the Matthew 18 process to carry on without logistical problems. It limits gossip. It limits the opportunities for the unsaved to ridicule the church.

We can use personal experience, without witnesses, to compliment a brother and build up the body of believers. For example, we might have heard people say that a certain writer and speaker is horribly sarcastic and mean-spirited. We met the man and his wife, and there couldn't possibly be two sweeter, more personable, gracious people than these. It is not gossip to mention on HK, in a discussion of his teachings, which might be under criticism for sounding mean-spirited, that we have spoken with him and found him to be otherwise, and it would be well to interpret his writings differently. In that case we are protecting our brother's reputation, not destroying it, and to be silent would be wrong.

We don't want to be arrogant about this. We want to be doing the RIGHT THING. There are times when the truth needs to be spoken, but it’s not usually in a public forum with 200 strangers. There are so many cautions about the tongue and gossip and slander. Some of the articles that people link to are SHOCKING in their malice. Even if all the allegations were TRUTH, there is no love in it, any humility or good intent. ALL of us are sinners and none of us are worthy to teach anything at all. And yet, we DO "teach" by our words. The internet is a very powerful medium. It is easy to spread truth, lies, and opinions. The keyboard is mightier than the sword.

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Ephesians 4: 29-32

Proverbs 10:19
When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent.

Proverbs 12:18
There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.

James 1:26
If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person's religion is worthless.

James 4:11
Do not speak evil against one another, brothers.

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